How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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