did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
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I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
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Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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