And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
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Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
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40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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