Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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