so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize