my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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