Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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