Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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