UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
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