I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
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he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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