I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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