I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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