The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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