She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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