I murdered the dance floor call the cops
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
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He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
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I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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