When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize