Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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