On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Randomize