gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize