cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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