The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
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He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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