i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
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i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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