Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
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