Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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