I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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