if i can run in heels then i can drive
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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