Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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