thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
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his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
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I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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