i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
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I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
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Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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