The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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