the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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