You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
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