Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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