on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I fill condoms, not promises.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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