Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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