I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
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