he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
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