Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
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I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
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If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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