im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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