eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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