She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize