So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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