All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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