Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
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you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
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There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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