can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
operation harelip BJ is a go
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
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He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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