Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize