Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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