i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
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Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
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It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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