Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize