After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
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Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
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Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
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